I was much more bothered by it when I was younger, including experimenting with men to see if I was just hiding something from myself, but nothing was different. I’ve also heard a lot about how great the sensation is, and I can sometimes feel alienated or dehumanized. It hasn’t prevented me from developing meaningful romantic connections, but I don’t like having to fake anything or explain why I’m not too vocal. But when I finish, there is no pleasurable, heady, or even stirring sensation. I still have sexual urges and desires, and so sex can be a relief in the same way that trail mix after a long hike is, and it’s been the same my whole life. For me, ejaculation is just an involuntary physical spasm, like a sneeze.
The condition is referred to as ejaculatory anhedonia or orgasmic anhedonia in scientific literature, which there isn’t much of, and most of the other cases I’ve heard about involve sudden changes or conditions (i.e., paralysis, severe trauma, antidepressant usage) that don’t apply to me. It wasn’t until a few years after beginning to masturbate that I realized that my peers were experiencing something quite different than I ever had.
